Well work went better today.
Think I'm hitting my stride again.


Feeling pretty lonely though, and a bit rejected.
Not sure why I bother caring.

Getting back to me...

Looking for my momentum again, have to reset my goals and manage my time.
Been having some lousy results with work. Realistically my last good month was May 2009.

I don't want to fight and scrape for this anymore.
The things I can accomplish with clients and consults... it's so important.
I change their lives, and I'm good at it!

So..... why have I slipped so much?

[ I know exactly why to be honest but it's not an excuse. I just haven't been focusing on that aspect - Divorce, Stress, Potentially Moving, The Managing/Not Managing/Managing/Not Managing Cycle, New Relationship, New Employees... And so on and so on and so on... So it's time to refocus. ]

Excellence is not a destination, you're never 'there'. It is something you always are.


Time to get back to me.

Been thinking about redecorating a lot now that this place is looking so empty.
Needs art.

Going to paint a couple canvas for the place (I'm seeing bright yellow?)
take some photos and have them printed up to hang in frames.

I've got a wish list for the place already.
Want a new love seat and a chair.
A couple tall lamps.
Some more plants to love.
A nice fuzzy rug to bury my toes in.
Big bookshelves worthy of my (growing) collection!
Want somewhere to hide electronic stuff and art stuff...
See what I can find anyways.

I just want a haven for myself.



Have a lot on my mind, getting back to feeling better, work, relationships.
Makes it hard to sleep... So thinking about stuff like this is kind of therapeutic.

Tuesday Morning Monster.

Have a business meeting to go to. 7am sharp.
Then I'm going back to freakin' bed.

Love the idea of networking and business referrals!
Hate getting up so damn early on a day off.
But this thing is like my baby so I'll do it.

Give me coffee... NOW.


Apartment seems bigger without so much stuff in it.
I'll post some photos later.

Now what to do with all this space?
Have a small table and 2 chairs coming in from my Grandparents, cast iron.
Haven't broken it to them yet that I WILL be painting it... I think it's dark green right now?

Will take an adventure this weekend and see if I can find any nice chairs or a small couch.
Also getting some plants from an old co-worker who has to make room in her life and home for a new baby. I've got a green thumb so I am all over that.

Not sure what today will bring.
See the fella for sure, we get very little alone time together so we're going to go for a nice long walk. Might be seeing an old friend that moved back to town for coffee. Seeing Mum tonight for supper and she's bringing me a bunch of clean blankets and stuff - thank goodness for free laundry!!

Have a Blessed Day!
I hope my blessing is feeling freakin' better for good.

sick of being sick

Feeling super fatigued again today, nausea and dizzyness too.
Just wish I could get feeling better.

It's so frustrating, I can feel good for a handful of hours and go to work or get out and do something and then the next day I feel like hell again.

Extreme fatigue and this cough just keep coming back.
More phlegm, gross.


Can I feel better now?? PLEASE!

A little later on.

Pretty painted toenails now.
They're blue... "Yoga-ta get this blue"



Had a great time at the Spa, lovely aromatherapy, nice and relaxing.
Thoroughly enjoyed my time in the steam room.

Getting some laundry done, boiling some ginger, cinnamon and cloves to make the house smell nice.
Relaxing at home.

Looking forward to going back to the spa soon, think I'll get a nice massage next time.

Really tired, went grocery shopping today and it took a lot out of me.
But I have fully stocked cupboards and fresh fruits and veggies so I should be ok.

Bought some fresh ginger so I'll be making a tasty stir-fry with some firm tofu and vegetables.

Getting a pedicure tomorrow with the girls from work, have never had one before...
I imagine I will giggle a lot because my feet are fiendishly ticklish.

Think I'll curl up and snooze for a few before heading out to see the fella.
Might just have a night in though - haven't decided yet.

Feeling a bit more positive tonight.
I am hoping I hit the turning point for this sickness and my depression too.

Went and had coffee with the fella, watched him kill zombies, came home and killed some zombies of my own, listened to some music. It's been nice even if I did stay up a bit later than I intended.

Looking forward to Sunday off will get some needed rest and accomplish some things around the apartment. Monday all this furniture crap goes away! Yay!

Thinking about buying some big cheap canvases and some paint and creating some art for this place. I could probably come up with something pretty. My friend Brent suggested painting "happy" so that energy was always around.

Got a pretty pink christmas cactus from a business associate, it brought really nice energy into the place. The few houseplants I have left are in need of some TLC but should come back no problem.

Blue today...
And still not 100% feeling better.
Would love to shake this bug soon.

I get lonely here, more often than I'd like to let on.

Still feeling sick and blegh.
Phlegmy and everything.

Feeling a little emotionally needy, not sure what to make of that.

Thursdays Suck

Only because I am still feeling ill!

Working a half day today.
Really wish I could get back to full time, but even sitting at home leaves me feeling fatigued.
I could go for feeling better - any day now!!

Have a heap of trash-furniture that is going away on Monday! Yay!
Made my living room look pretty empty and leaves me with very little to sit my butt on.

This has me wondering what kinds of things I can make/acquire to fill this space up again.
I was thinking I might buy some cheap furniture at Jysk or a secondhand store...

OR, I could always build everything out of cardboard...
really.....

Cardboard Furniture.

Well Tuesday ended up being a tough day,
I was so fatigued by 4pm I had to call someone else in to do a consult for me because I couldn't handle it. Took the cat to the SPCA, it was sad and hard... gave the wonderful ladies a big donation and I'm crossing my fingers for Imp that he finds a great home with a bunch of love and attention.
My allergies have improved dramatically already! I can breathe!

Today on the other hand. Got all the old furniture moved and ready to get taken away, no more ruined old sofas.
Will be spending the next week organizing and purging a lot of old things, donating what I can where I can. I'm going to reward myself with new furniture if I do a good job. hehe.
I'm a Capricorn - material things motivate me.

Feel like I'm getting back to myself again, not sure where I wandered off though.
This last slide into depression was more subtle and very well masked. I kept myself pretty distracted. I think a lot of it was that I really stopped looking after myself, started eating like crap, taking my vitamins and stuff like that... I still had some of the good habits, but not enough of them. Things like this remind me of why I do what I do. Part of my job is keeping people on track with good habits until they really stick. If I can't even do it by myself no wonder other people need help with it too.

Feeling a lot better on the flu front, still pretty fatigued though.
Will work a half day tomorrow and hopefully have this thing put to rest enough to get back to full time ASAP.

Windy here again today... has been for 4 or so now.
No snow yet, but it's sure as hell not far off.

Zzz-sputter-Zzz

Can't sleep.

Have I flipped that insomnia switch again perhaps??
Wouldn't be the first time I toyed with that particular quirk. Lucky me usually I'm no worse for wear after a short spell of it, nothing lots of B vitamins, Coffee, Natural Sugars and Fresh Water won't help anyways.

Busy day tomorrow, finally over that damn flu (yay tamiflu!), back to work, networking meetings, and so forth. Still unimpressed that my 5 day weekend that was supposed to be a holiday ended up being just long enough to get hit by and recover from a nasty nasty flu. Back to studying and growing and creating too. I bought myself a sketchbook and some pencil crayons last week, was playing with pastels today... it feels really nice to create again. Did some really pretty pages and some not so pretty.

Unfortunately I had to make a sad decision... Imp is not able to stay with me in this apartment due in part to my allergies and in part to his behavioural issues. I'm hoping he'll find a happier home with lots of people to pester and an indoor/outdoor set up. Good luck out there little fellow.

Once the rat Bran passes on (bless her she's an old girl) I won't be having pets again, I've come to terms with the fact I am not a "pet" person. As much as I love animals, they don't belong in my life right now - allergies aside - I need to be a little freer than that.


Going to be doing some more purging of furniture, clothing, clutter and crap.
Real downsizing, I have a tendency to hang on to old stuff, and old emotions as a result.
I would really like this place to feel more like my own.
Everywhere I look I'm still reminded of what-ifs, wistful imaginings, and back-thens.

Time at home should be time for me to focus on me, with no distractions.
I get enough of those elsewhere! (haha especially a certain male distraction haha).

Not sure I'll get to sleep properly tonight, so I'm going to make some soup and do some more thinking and list making.

My OCD like tendencies come out when I'm unable to sleep, so there will likely be some cleaning and organizing done tonight as well.

Back to the gym on Wednesday as well, one of those parts of me I need to focus on is my physical strength. The plan is to do weight training 3 days a week and some extra cardio, I haven't cracked down hard enough on myself for slacking off though.

This week, it all changes.
Better late than never.

Have to do important things if I want Left4Dead 2 time.
(Yes, bribery works - even from myself).


- [MONSTER]

Problem Solved!

I'd so be out of work if this caught on...


BWAHAHAHA!

See also:



The kids I know would never fall for this shit. LOL.
Be afraid! HAHA

I have some time off coming up,
but haven't decided what to do yet.

Really it would be epic if I could run away to California for a few days...
We'll see what happens.